What has Your PM done in One Year

‘So, what has YOUR PM Modi done in a year, apart from going on foreign trips’? Asked the ageing adarshliberal diva, trying to arch her heavily botoxed eyebrows.

‘For one thing, Modi is not just MY PM, he is the democratically elected PM of India, with a massive mandate.’

‘Yeah, yeah, whatever, but he is not sexy’, she pouted.

‘Being sexy is not the PM’s job Ma’am, for that you have Raghuram Rajan’.

The diva blushed, as much as her cheek implants would allow her to.

'Let us not talk about Raghu here, tell me what has Modi done’?'

‘Have you been to a train station lately? Oh, I am sorry, you don’t travel by train like us lesser mortals. But I have, and all the train stations that I have been to have never looked cleaner.’

‘Oh, you mean that Swachch Bharat thing, oh, that’s just a gimmick’, she shrugged.

‘Well, according to news reports over 31 lakh new toilets have been built in rural India under Swachch Bharat’.

‘That doesn’t impress me honey, tell me what has Modi done for people’?

‘Fine, let me give you real life examples. My domestic help has opened a bank account for the very first time in her life under the Jan Dhan Yojana. She gets her salary credited into her account every month. For the first time, she has complete control over her own money. Her alcoholic husband has no access to it. She has managed to save more money in this year than she has in the last ten years’.

‘Pooh, that’s one person’.

‘Okay, take the case of my driver. He has invested in the Beti Bachao Beti Padhao scheme for his daughter’s future. He has also enrolled for the Jan Suraksha Yojana. He says, I feel a lot more reassured now that I have some insurance cover. My tailor has applied for a loan under the Mudra Bank and she is awaiting disbursement. So far amounts of over 29,000 Crores have been disbursed to small entrepreneurs in collateral-free loans. These are people I know personally, whose life has changed for the better.'

‘Drivers, maids, tailors, is that all you can think of? Tell me what Modi has done for people like ‘us’?

‘Have you heard of ‘Make in India? After the launch of the program, India emerged as top destination for FDI surpassing China and the US.’

‘Oh, how does that matter to me? I want the freedom to eat beef. All your Modi has done is to ban beef!’, Simpered the adarshliberal while sipping delicately on sparkled Evian water.

‘I am really sorry that you feel that way, but ‘Modi’ hasn’t banned beef, the state govt. has, and BTW, weren’t you the one who were asking people to be ‘kind to stray dogs’ in your locality?’

‘Yeah, I am an animal lover, you know that’, she drawled.

‘And cows are not animals’?

She ignored my question.

'Have you surrendered your gas subsidy? I have and so have hundreds of people that I know personally.’

‘Oh, you Bhakts,’ she drawled in her faux Colaba meets Chicago accent as she signalled her servant to clear the table. He took the barely touched glass of water and the half-empty bottle of Evian away.

‘Have you heard of ‘Jalyukt Shivar’? The flagship program of the Maharashtra government to encourage water conservation’? I asked. I could see her massive swimming pool rippling in the sun outside from where I was sitting.

‘Not really. I have no time for all this sarkari stuff dahling, and now if you’ll excuse me, I have to leave now. I am launching my new book, ‘How to be sexy at sixty by eating beef’.

-Shefali Vaidya

Karma is a Bitch !!!

Who is Maria Sharapova?

How many of us have heard of Richie McKaw or Quade Cooper? You haven't? Well, they are two of probably the greatest Rugby players ever. Are you an evil person for not knowing them?

Again, wait - quickly - who is the captain of the Indian Men's Hockey Team? You dont know? Are you an evil person for not knowing him? Are you being disrespectful to him and the hockey team? Or is it just because hockey is a sport you don't follow?

The Logical Indian denounces the act of Indians trolling Maria Sharapova's Facebook profile, inundating it with profanity. Think people, think! Would Sachin ever want us to indulge in profanity on his behalf? Are we not indulging in behaviour that he would find extremely embarassing?

While Cricket is a popular sport in a handful of commonwealth countries, we must realise that it is unknown to most other countries.

There is no doubt that Sachin Tendulkar is the greatest cricketer to have walked the earth, and a living sporting legend. But why should a tennis player from Russia - a non cricket playing country be expected to know about Sachin?

Please note that she only commented that she has not heard of Sachin Tendulkar. Ask any American, and they would answer the same. Ask any Colombian, Argentinian, Urugyayan, Mexican, Tongan, Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese or people from hundreds of countries, they might reply the same.

This is not in any way a disrespect to Sachin. Its just that Cricket is not a sport they follow.

Please, let us all be Logical, friends! A little bit of sportsman spirit maybe?
If you agree, please, share the logic!

Jai Hind!

Check Your Presence of Mind

Check ur presence of mind. Take the test. Relax, clear your mind and begin. What's the 1st answer that comes to ur mind?

1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: "Bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else.. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said bread, go to Question 2.

2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question.
Your brain is over -stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself by reading more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why the hell are you still reading these?? If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.

4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane crashes from 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into East and West Germany) Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, "no man's land"?

Answer: You don't bury survivors!!! If you said ANYTHING else, you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.

5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from Mumbai to Pune. In Mumbai , 17 people get on, in Pune , 16 get off. Name the driver.

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

6. Try it seriously dont cheat its amazing. A MUST TRY!!!!!!! ALZHEIMERS' EYE. Count every " F " in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS... 
(SEE BELOW)

HOW MANY ? 

3....4.... WRONG, THERE ARE 6.
The reasoning : The brain cannot process "OF". Incredible or what? Go back and look again!! Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius. Three is normal, four is quite rare

Thinking Outside of the Box

(Note: I don't know how true this is and whether it actually happened in real, but it makes a interesting read)

These are few questions asked in an interview! The answers are really stunning and inspiring.

Question 1:

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it’s raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

He simply answered:
I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to Think Outside of the Box.?

Question 2:

What will you do if I run away with your sister?

The candidate who was selected answered, “I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir”

Question 3:

Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) : What if one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant.

Girl – I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.

Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked.

Question 4:

Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?

Candidate: Instantly replied: “Tea”

He got selected.

You know how and why did he say TEA, when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.
(Answer: The question was What is before you (U, alphabet) Reply was TEA ( T, alphabet).
Alphabet T is before Alphabet U.

Question5;

Interviewer said: “I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question.”

Think well before you make up your mind! The boy thought for a while and said, my choice is one really difficult question.?

Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice!

Now tell me this. What comes first, Day or Night?

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, “It’s the DAY sir!?”

How? the interviewer asked.

Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!?

Sometimes just thinking out of the box is all it takes!
Share with your friend and give them a special moment of thinking…!!

The Obedient Wife

There was a man, who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money.
He was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife...
'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me.

I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart.
He died soon.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there,dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket.

The obdient wife said,
 'Wait just a moment!'

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

 Then her friend said,

 'Girl, I know you were not foolish
 enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'

 The loyal wife replied,
 'Listen, I'm a wife; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him.'

'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?'

'I sure did,' said the loyal wife.

'I got all the money  together, put it into my account, and wrote him a cheque.... I put the cheque in the casket.Now it is upto him to encash the cheque.'

"If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

Donkey in the Well

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.

You have two choices... smile and close this page, or pass this along to someone else to share the lesson...

Politics Explained

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."

Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"

Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."

That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."

Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"

Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of Shit."

Think Before You Leave !!!

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today & that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home & didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home & ate in two minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore...whatever the case is, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving to West Va., together! Have a great life alone!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you & I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining &

griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER , because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50.00 from me that morning & your silk boxers were $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me So take care.

Signed: Rich As Hell, Free & Alone for the MOMENT!!!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.:)

How Did You Die?

Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.

"I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

"It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"
"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.

"What do you mean?" asks the first man.

"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

Dinner at Girlfriend's Place

A boy decided to have a dinner with his girlfriend parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Dont Mess Up with Old People!!!

An old married couple is travelling by car. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.

"But we didn't use them," the husband said.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check. She did and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is made out for only $50.00."

"That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

Don't mess with senior citizens..... They didn't get there by being stupid.

We dont stop playing coz we grow old. We grow old coz we stop playing !

An 87 Year Old College Student Named Rose

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know.

I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned round to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me

with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, “Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I’m eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?”

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, “Of course you may!” and she gave me a giant squeeze.

“Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?” I asked.

She jokingly replied, “I’m here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids…”

“No seriously,” I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

“I always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m getting one!” she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months, we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this “time machine” as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I’ll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium.

As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, “I’m sorry I’m so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I’ll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.”

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, “We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day.

You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it!There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don’t do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old.

If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn’t take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.”

She concluded her speech by courageously singing “The Rose.”

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year’s end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it’s never too late to be all you can possibly be .When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they’ll really enjoy it!

These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.

Getting a taste of one's own Shit...

In a New York sidewalk, Indian is enjoying a hearty breakfast " Coffee, croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc.

While an American, chewing a gum, sat next to him and started an unwanted conversation

American: You Indians eat the whole bread?

Indian: Of course!

American: (Blowing bubbles with his gum) we don't. We, Americans only Eat what's inside. The crust we collect in a container, recycle, make these into croissants and sell these to the India.

American: Do you eat jam with bread?

Indian: Of course!

American: (Chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth) we don't. Americans eat fruits at breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and leftovers into containers, turn these into jam and sell it to the India

Indian: Do you have sex in America?

American: Of course, we do!

Indian: What do you do with the condoms?

American: We throw them, of course!

Indian : We don't. In India, we put them into containers, recycle them, turn them into chewing gums and sell it to America!

Six Lessons to Remember

"Lesson 1"

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…

“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

"Lesson 2"

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say

"Lesson 3"
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity

"Lesson 4"

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

...A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up

"Lesson 5"
A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there

"Lesson 6"

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut !

Stochastic Probability Theory - Pregnant Deer Scenario

Consider this scenario: In a remote forest, a pregnant deer is about to give birth to a baby. It finds a remote grass field near by a river and slowly goes there thinking it would be safe. As she moves slowly, she gets labor pain…. at the same moment, dark clouds gather around that area and lightning starts a forest fire. Turning left she sees a hunter who is aiming an arrow from a distance. As she tries to move towards right, she spots a hungry lion approaching towards her.

Stochastic Probability Theory - Pregnant Deer Scenario
What can the pregnant deer do ….as she is already under labor pain ?
…
…
…
What do you think will happen ?
Will the deer survive ?
Will it give birth to a fawn ?
Will the fawn survive ? or
Will everything be burnt by the forest fire ?
…
…
…
…

That particular moment ?
…
…
…

Can the deer go left ? – Hunter’s arrow is pointing

Can she go right ? – Hungry male lion approaching

Can she move up ? – Forest fire

Can she move down ? – Fierce river


Answer: She does nothing. She just focuses on giving birth to a new LIFE.
The sequence of events that happens at that fraction of a second (moment) are as follows:
In a spur of MOMENT …a lightning strikes (already it is cloudy ) and blinds the eyes of the Hunter. At that MOMENT, he releases the arrow missing and zipping past the deer. At that MOMENT the arrow hits and injures the lion badly. At that MOMENT, it starts to rain heavily and puts out the forest fire. At that next MOMENT, the deer gives birth to a healthy fawn.
In our life, it’s our MOMENT of CHOICE and we all have to deal with such negative thoughts from all sides always. Some thoughts are so powerful they overpower us and makes us clueless. Let us not decide anything in a hurry. Let’s think of ourselves as the pregnant deer with the ultimate happy ending. Anything can happen in a MOMENT in this life. If you are religious, superstitious, atheist, agnostic… or whatever… you can attribute this MOMENT as divine intervention, faith, sudden luck, chance (serendipity), coincidence… or a simple ‘don’t know’. We all feel the same. But, whatever one may call it, I would see the priority of the deer in that given moment was to giving birth to a baby…. because LIFE IS PRECIOUS.
Hence, whether you are deer or a human, keep that faith and hope within you always...

A real Horror Story

This is a real story of a young college girl who passed away last month in New York . Her name was Julia. She was hit by a truck.

She worked in a call centre. She had a boy friend named Ron... true lovers... They always used to talk for hrs on phone. You could never see her without her headphone. In fact she also changed her lines from AT&T to T-Mobile, so both of them could be on the same network, and save the cost.

She spent half of the day talking with Ron. Julia's family knew about their relationship. Ron was very close 2 Julia's family.. Before she passed away she told her friends "If I pass away please burn me with my headphone" she also said the same thing to her parents.

After her death, people cudnt carry her body, A lot of them tried to do so but still couldn't , everybody tried to carry the body, the result was still the same. Eventually, they had 2 called a person, who spoke 2 soul of dead person...

He took a stick and started speaking to the dead soul slowly.

After a few minutes, he said "this girl misses something here." Then her friends told the person about her wish to burn her with her phone... they then opened the grave box and placed her phone & sim card inside the casket. then finally they tried carrying the body. It was easily lifted and so they put it into the van easily.  Everyone were shocked. Julia's parents did not inform Ron that Julia had passed away.

After 2 weeks Ron called Julia's mom.....

Ron :...."Aunty, I'm coming home today. Cook something nice for me. Dont tell Julia that I'm coming home today, I wanna surprise her." Her mother replied..... "You come home first, we wanna tell you something very important."

After he came, they told him the truth about Julia. Ron thought, they were all fooling him. He laughed and said "dont try to fool me - tell Julia to come out, i have a gift for her. Please stop this nonsense".

Then they showed him the original death certificate. They gave him proof to make him believe. (Ron started to sweat) He said... "Its not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me. Ron was shaking..

Suddenly, Ron's phone rang. "see this is from Julia, see this...." he showed the phone to Julia's family. all of them told him to answer. he talked using the loudspeaker mode.

All of them heard his conversation.

Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming.

It is the actual voice of Julia & there is no way others could use her sim card since it was nailed.

Inside the grave box, they were so shocked and called for the same person (who spoke 2 souls of deal person) help again. He brought his master to solve this matter.

He & his master worked for 5 hours.

Then they discovered one thing which really shocked them...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

T-Mobile has the best coverage.

Where ever you go, our network follows!!!

Don't shout on me I am also looking for the person who Has sent me this post.... so what you can do...you should also SHARE this post to all your nears and dears...and enjoy... :D

Legal v/s Logical

A student failed law & decided to make a deal with professor

Student: sir, do u know everything about law?
Prof: yes

Student; if you can answer this question,i will accept my final marks, if you can't, you have to give me 'A" professor agreed

The boy asked, 'what is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?

The prof thought about it for hours & pondered... But no answer. He had to finally give up as he really did not know. He gave the boy his 'A' The following day, professor asked same Question to his students.

He was shocked when all of them raised their hands.
He asked one student the same question. He answered: sir, you're 65, married to 28 year old, this is legal but not logical.

Your wife, is having an affair with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal. Your wife's boyfriend has failed his exam & yet you have given him an 'A' It's neither logical nor legal!

The professor collapsed! :P

Women Can be Smart Sometimes...

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

Think Before You Speak....

A guy asked a girl in a library; “Do you mind if I sit beside you”?

The girl answered with a loud voice; "I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUUU!!!”.

All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and she told him “I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?"

The guy responded with a loud voice: "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!!!? THAT’S TOO MUCH!!!"

And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears; “I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty"